This hoodie is for anyone whose love language is direct deposit and whose soul comes with a price tag (and a promo code). Whether you're selling your brainpower, emotional bandwidth, or just your attention span — this hoodie keeps you warm while you do it.
Perfect for sugar babies, capitalists, freelancers, and anyone who opens Venmo before opening up emotionally.
💸 Product Features (Flex Edition)
Soft fleece interior — because your heart isn’t
Spacious kangaroo pocket — great for tips, receipts, or regrets
Adjustable hood — tighten it when people ask questions
Cotton/poly blend — comfy enough to con in
Mid-weight fabric — chill, but not broke
🧼 Care Instructions (Get That Bag Clean)
Machine wash cold (like your vibe)
Tumble dry low (like your standards)
Iron low heat (if you’re fancy)
Do not bleach (you’ve done enough damage)
Don’t dryclean — too much commitment
Whether you’re chasing bags or breaking hearts (or both before noon), this hoodie says exactly what it needs to:
You’re not here to grow. You’re here to invoice. 💅
